Girlfriend thinks rules on jealousy apply only to him
Dear Wanda and Wayne,
My girlfriend of two years is an aesthetician. Included in her duties are the occasional bacial (back massage/skin treatment) and facial, which includes an oiled-up shoulder massage.
When we first began dating, she was very controlling and told me she felt it was wrong for a man and a woman to be alone together at all. I reluctantly conceded under the pretense that we were going to play by the same rules. Soon thereafter she completed her training as an aesthetician, and magically her moral code changed. Now it's OK to be alone with and touch another man -- an undressed man.
Needless to say, I am angered by this. Until now I swallowed my pride and accepted that it was her profession and not inappropriate.
Recently I was laid off and am considering training as an aesthetician in the interim between jobs. My girlfriend said she would break up with me if I started training because she wouldn't accept me touching other women. I don't know the best way to handle this situation or how to show her how selfish and hypocritical she is -- or maybe I'm in the wrong altogether. What would you advise?
-- Jealous?
Wanda says,
I'm so annoyed by this letter I'm almost tempted to tell you to marry this nutcase -- you two deserve each other. But you're the one who sought our advice, so I'll try to speak to your best interests:
1. Call your (soon-to-be-ex-) girlfriend's bluff.
2. Go become a personal trainer or whatever you darn well please.
The sad thing here, or one of them anyway, is that you're actually torn. Rather than wondering whether you should split, you're wondering how to prove to this girl (yes, "girl" -- women don't act this way) she's being selfish and hypocritical. Let me guess: Your friends can't stand her, right? Your best bros have distanced themselves one by one ever since you hooked up with a manipulative psycho? Shocker.
You're entertaining the notion that you may be the one in the wrong, and I commend you for your introspection. It's hardly ever only one person's fault. Start by asking yourself why you play along with her games. You may also want to explore where your own jealousy comes from and why it upsets you she's alone with men -- is it that they're "undressed" (which they aren't, by the way - they're just shirtless) or that you don't trust her or that the double standard is so palpable it could get up, walk over and smack you across the face?
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I don't know the best way to handle this situation or how to show her how selfish and hypocritical she is -- or maybe I'm in the wrong altogether. What would you advise? I'm so annoyed by this letter I'm almost tempted to tell you to marry this nutcase
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